i am driving miss marcia

I got a car finally. Thank God. It is a honda accord blue and nice. I like it a lot but I just wish I wasn't so short. I had to buy pill to sit on so I can see to park. I know you all all laughing so stop!! You all suck especially tall people.

Strange things

Strange things seem t be happening to me lately. The problem is it has been bad stuff. I sit and wonder where did I go wrong. Ever since I was little for some reason I get the burnt end of the pot. Sometimes I think I am cursed. In the past month it has been a spiral down hill with the most important things in my life. I don't know you know I just know that things in life are very as they seem and nothing in life is guaranteed. I knew this lesson but lets just say that it has been reinforced. I am concerned with my life and the shit happening. There are few things that are keeping me happy and I just can't help think they are going to be taken too. More to say but I am felling very sick. I have a cold.

30

30 more days until......drum roll drum roll drum roll

Marcia's BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

Yea yea hip hop hooray.

counting down.

Question

Have you ever had so much to do but could not figure out what they were? Or maybe you purposely forget? Well that is how I feel today and I decided that I am not going to anything because my brain hurts to figure the stuff out.

PS. Sunsplash is done and I could not be happier but now it is time to deal with the aftershocks of it all. Pray for me.

Everytime you go away

Well it has been a while. Lots has gone on in my life and I am trying to sort things out now. One thing that kept my spirits up these past couple of days was the visit by neo. He seems to know and understand how I am feeling and knows how to make me feel better. Well it was a very nice week with him around and I think I got too use to. It felt so natural and surprisingly we didn't bite each other heads off(like we ever anyways). The more we are around each other is the more we feel. I don't know where this relationship is going to end up but it sure feels right and I don't want to be wrong. But enough about that, it is official he will be attending school in orlando so no more 2000 miles long distance relationship. The school is da bomb (full sail) and he will be doing what he loves which is music and he is closer. Now its just a couple hundreds miles that I can drive in one and half hours. But for the time being I have to experience the feeling of him leaving. Funny this morning before he left I started to feel very sad that he was leaving. I couldn't sleep so I was just laying there listening to the smooth R&B tunes playing on my TV. I just felt down but just then a song came on by Brian McKnight. At first I did not know the name but I listened to it and it totally described how I was feeling. Before it finished I jumped out the bed and went to see the name of the song; Everytime you go away! All day the course was in my head and it kept me going but I had to download the song. Basically this is exactly how our relationship is and the feelings I get when we leave each other. The words are:

Everytime that I am with you
I can't believe you share my world
but its real.
And everytime that I hold you close to me
forever is all that I see.
See I don't give a damn what anyone says
don't matter anyways
see I've never felt this way before...
Hate to see you go even though I know when you're coming back
Its hard to breath without you
and thats a fact
I know sometimes you have to leave
but I wish that you could stay.
Everytime you go away.

From the very first time that I touched you babe
couldn't find the words to say.
You set me free.
And everytime I kissed your lips
nothing never tasted quite like this but got so deep.
Never felt this way before
you always leaving me wanting more

your the sunshine of my day.
you brighten up my life
you take a piece of me with you everytime you say goodbye.
Everytime you go away...
I love you always

I tell you music speaks and has a way to tell your story. I miss you Neo!!

Why???

I don't understand why bad things have to happen to me all the time. I mean with me when it rans it pours, hails, storms, etc. It is almost crazy. I sit here and wonder what I am being punished for and why does the punishment have to be so extreme. Something just can't happen to me that is already bad and it gets solve. No that is unheard of with me. SOmething bad has to happen then more bad then it gets a little better but not completely so I still have to deal with it to a certain extent. Ever since I was 10 these are the situations that I end up in and for some reason yes, I get through major things but there is still remnants of it around. And I really do keep a positive attitude and always look at the bright side of things but it is wearing on me. I need a break through that is complete. I need to be free of a lot of these things so that I can deal with some of the new stuff. It is getting to be too much and I feel like my life is being affected by it all not that positive anymore. I feel myself slowly giving up and not caring which is something I never wanted to do. I find myself purposely pushing people I love away from me because I feel like burden and liability. I know that is bad to say but I am and whoever is apart of my life is going to have to deal with all these crosses I bare. I don't think that is fair. Anyways I am feeling depressed and don't know what to do. It is getting to be too much and I really don't know if God is seeing this. I wonder what is his plan and when is enough. I think I have stories to last a life time and get his message out there so why can't it end now? Well I don't feel like typing anymore.