It was just the devil

Well today I can say the devil really tried to get me. First I woke up late and did not get to do half the things I needed to. Then I got yelled at by the doctors for not calling them back. My graphs that are due in the morning, the data for them are all screwed up. So I have to try and get another extension which is unlikely. The computer nearly broke my leg again. Just everything was crazy. I was so tired and dragged for the day. My thoughts seemed staggered and mixed up. I just felt worthless, unwanted, unloved, and plain miserable. I think for the most part I covered it up to people around me but that made it even worst. And you know everytime I stopped to just say a little prayer something seemed to have got in my way. It was the devil.
Oh yeah my mother and I thought we were carpenters from HGTV because we did some riggarmophous to my computer desk that I think only people from HGTV could think of.
Oh joke- today my mother and I went to the Chinese place (which made my belly hurt) wok N roll. Next to the restaurant there is a pet fish store and on the window there are pictures of some fishes and lil mermaid's dad. My mother turned to me and asked why she never got a fish like( lil mermaid's dad) that in her tank. I almost died with laughter when she said that then she realized. I think my mother has been watching to many animated movies. I think the both of us were gone today.
Oh sulaya I like how you are giving me a dose of my own medicine by not calling me tonight. I get it okay I know how you all feel when I don't return calls. Jeeze

Its been a while

Well hello everyone. Yeah I know it has been a while but when I go home they don't believe in technology. We have computer but no internet service. That would not matter anyhow because the computer is as old as hopey killed Philip. You must be wondering who is hopey and Philip but it is just something my mother always says when she is describing something old. Well I went home for what reason I have no clue. My mother felt I needed to but really I think it is because she wanted to. I know you are probably wondering why I had to go. She did not want to leave me alone because I just did the surgery but I was good though. You can't tell these people anything. You would think I would know my own body and know when it is in pain. Right? N-E-Ways the time home was worth while and upsetting at the same time. I will give you the bad and then the good.
The good was I went out with a friend and we had a wonderful time without drama. We went to the movies and saw Bourne Supremacy. It was a good movie but I really wanted to see Far 911. You know it is nice to be around people who don't let your pressure go up or make your heart palpitate due to stress. You are probably wondering why I would even let someone get to me like that but when I get to the bad I will explain. Well back to the point, I was respected and understood which I haven't received in a while. Sometimes I think God bring some people in your life to let you open your eyes to things around you. God surely has a way of dealing with each of us but we have to have our eyes and ears open so we doesn't miss us. Sulaya gave me a poem the other day and it was about establishing your relationship with God before you could have a human relationship. As I look through my life and different relationships I can clearly see how true this is because if we do not wait on God we could really end up miserable in life. One thing I noticed about myself is that when I am in love with someone I settle for the bullshit and compromise myself. I guess that is what love does to you but you know if you waited on God. I don't regret anything in my life because maybe if certain things did not happen I would not be the person I am today. Experience can be a bitch but a blessing at the same time. We just need to learn from each one. So much for my happy endings.
Enough about that, another good thing was my brother got an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I helped picked it out and it is the bomb. I could not see her saying no because of the ring and the man she is getting. (Sorry Sulaya I did not tell you before this I forgot but I will call you in morning before you read this. lol) He is not planning on asking her until like December but he wanted to start paying on it. I am happy because I like her. She is cool and I think they make a great team. Yea, now I can get some nieces and nephews soon. My other friend is also about to pop the big question to his girl. I was so excited for him because he was one of the fortunate one to find true love.
Also I had some good one to one with God. I think he is going to do some things to my life. I know changes will be coming soon. Everyday I am seeing things about myself that has to change. I am like a clay pot that has been broken but the potter is putting me back together. I don't know what to expect but I know it will be good. I just need to remain focused and not let the devil cloud my thoughts. I need encouragement so I would appreciate if you all could help me with that. I am tried being locked in these chains. I also don't want it just to be for a time neither. I want these changes to be permanent. I am ready for God to really use me for the things he wants me for. Oh yeah I am going to get started on that book I wanted to do.
Okay to the bad things. First why is the male species so immature at times? Why would you take someone's phone charger to spite them? Why not come to the person and talk to them if something is bothering? These are the question I had in my head yesterday when my phone was dead the would day and I missed all my calls. For example the people about my heart transplant, my teacher about my exam, and to top it off lost in the mall from family for about an hour without money, change, gas, etc. Talk about pissed. That was not even the word. Well this is what someone did to me because they don't know the meaning of communication and respect. My charger was taken because I forgot to bring something back from gville. Done out of spite. How sad that grown men have to behave like children. Anyways this situation like ruined my whole day and then some. I just don't understand some people's actions at times. All I can do is pray for them
Well I am tried of typing

I'm alright

For those of you who knew I went to surgery, I 'm alright.  It went well but I am still in a little pain.  I just thank God everything was okay.  I tell you about doctors, they went in with the mentality that they were going to keep me in the hospital.  Well guess what, I am home and there is no rush for a heart transplant.  I tell you God works some miracles in my life.  When the doctors says no Jesus says yes.  I am praying for my complete healing so I don't have to get one at all.  Right now I am on the waiting list but as long as I stay out the hospital I don't have to worry about getting one for a while.  Anyways just keep praying for me because the devil is always trying to take me.Oh yeah let me tell you how they tried me on OR.  They shaved me but did not shave everything so they have me what not looking uneven and one sided.  It is very unattractive.  I mean they could not just shape me up good?  And they did it low as hell so when it grows back I am going to be scratching and people are going to wonder what is going on with me.  Also afterwards they gave me some crackers, I tell you I have never had crackers that taste so good.  I tried to get the name but I had dropsy yesterday.  I was so drugged it was not funny and I was talking pure foolishness.   Well I need to go lay down now so I will drop a blog another day.

my first thoughts

Well I am new at this so you all need to bare with me.  I am not even she what to write about or where to start.  I have a lot of things in my head and a lot of stuff going on.  I really think I need a little help sorting out some things in my life.  oh my mom just came so I will continue later