Why???

I don't understand why bad things have to happen to me all the time. I mean with me when it rans it pours, hails, storms, etc. It is almost crazy. I sit here and wonder what I am being punished for and why does the punishment have to be so extreme. Something just can't happen to me that is already bad and it gets solve. No that is unheard of with me. SOmething bad has to happen then more bad then it gets a little better but not completely so I still have to deal with it to a certain extent. Ever since I was 10 these are the situations that I end up in and for some reason yes, I get through major things but there is still remnants of it around. And I really do keep a positive attitude and always look at the bright side of things but it is wearing on me. I need a break through that is complete. I need to be free of a lot of these things so that I can deal with some of the new stuff. It is getting to be too much and I feel like my life is being affected by it all not that positive anymore. I feel myself slowly giving up and not caring which is something I never wanted to do. I find myself purposely pushing people I love away from me because I feel like burden and liability. I know that is bad to say but I am and whoever is apart of my life is going to have to deal with all these crosses I bare. I don't think that is fair. Anyways I am feeling depressed and don't know what to do. It is getting to be too much and I really don't know if God is seeing this. I wonder what is his plan and when is enough. I think I have stories to last a life time and get his message out there so why can't it end now? Well I don't feel like typing anymore.